LotR People IN MY PANTS
by Schtolteheim Reinbach III
Summary: LotR people have shown up at parties, in chat rooms, and lots of other places - but never somewhere this dangerous!!! r/r plz thx ^_^
1. chapter 1

**Dislcaimer:** I don't own LotR people but I do own my pants!!! lolololol anywayz LotR People have shown up everywhere else so why not!! 

**LotR People IN MY PANTS**

One fine day Sam Gamgee and Frodo Baggins were happily walking together in the garden at Bag End. "I wish we could go on an adventure like in one of Uncle Bilbo's stories, somewhere far away from the Shire" said Frodo, and Sam nodded his agreement. 

All of a sudden - poof! 

"Mr. Frodo! Mr. Frodo!" Sam cried, fumbling in the sudden darkness. He was covered by some strange heavy weight, as if a tent had fallen on top of him. 

"I'm here, Sam!" Frodo called back, having fallen under the same strange curse. 

"But where are we?" 

"I... I don't know!" 

The two hobbits continued to call out to each other, fumbling their way through the darkness and the strange material that slowed their progress, until Sam bumped into something that felt like another person. "Is that you, Mr. Frodo?" 

"I'm afraid not, Samwise Gamgee," said a somewhat familiar voice. "But let us get you out of this mess first, and then we shall help your master." 

Hearing the voice, Frodo cried out again. "Why, 'tis Gandalf the Grey! Have you come to save us?" 

"Not at all," Gandalf shouted to him as he took Sam by the hand, leading him through the darkness. "I merely... happened to be passing this way myself." 

Sam's head emerged from the heavy folds of darkness, only to find that he had been engulfed in a sea of fabric. Now, looking down at the fabric still surrounding him, he discovered that he was held in a pocket, caught between two great sheets of rough blue material. "Where are we?" he asked in alarm. 

"It would appear," said Gandalf, "That we are in a pair of pants. Stay here, and I will see if I can find Frodo, and perhaps the lot of us can escape." 

"Y-you mean... you don't know how to get us out of here?" 

"I'm afraid, Samwise, that I have never been inside a pair of pants before," the wizard replied as he ducked back within the pocket. 

Sam was left with no other choice than to stare down the leg of the pair of pants worriedly. To his surprise, there was a slightly movement near the ankle, and suddenly a head popped out to stare up at him. "Oh, hullo," said another familiar voice. 

"Meriadoc Brandybuck!" Sam exclaimed. "What are you doing here? How did we all get here?" 

"Buggered if I know." 

Another hobbit-head poked out from the other pants leg and waved at Merry. "Ho, Merry! What are you doing over there?" 

"You fool of a Took!" Gandalf swore from within the depths of the pocket, where the moving bulge in the fabric seemed to indicate that he was returning. "I told you to stay put! I have more important things to do than chase young hobbits all throughout pairs of pants!" 

Frodo's head emerged next to Sam's amidst Gandalf's grumblings, and the two hobbits stared at each other worriedly. They watched as Gandalf vanished back into the fabric again, then looked down at the other two hobbits stranded in the legs of the pants. How would they ever escape such a predicament? 

Suddenly, a horn sounded from within the pants, and Pippin disappeared into the ankle again, only to reappear with the gruff, bearded face of a Man beside his own. "Oi - look who I've found, everyone," he called cheerfully. "This is Boromir, son of Denethor, the steward of Gondor! Perhaps he can help us out of this mess!" 

"I'm afraid not," Boromir grumbled. "I blew the Horn of Gondor, and yet not a man came to offer me assistance. I am at a loss." 

"Perhaps you would not be averse to the aid of an elf," said a muffled voice from within the other leg of the pants, and a fair-haired head emerged next to Merry's. "And perhaps you could assist me as well - I seem to have misplaced my diminutive companion." 

"I am not 'misplaced', Legolas!" snarled a rough voice from somewhere to Frodo and Sam's left, and they looked over to find a red-bearded dwarf scowling from the other pocket of the pants. "The son of Gloin does not 'misplace' himself! I simply found another shaft in this strange place, and thought to delve for any undiscovered treasures. But alas - I've found naught but this pocket lint," he lamented, holding up handfuls of the soft and fluffy but ultimately worthless material. 

"This will be more difficult than I had at first thought," muttered Gandalf, his pointed hat poking out from within the pocket, next to Sam and Frodo. "Such a maze of confusion and denim I have never encountered before. This will require some thought. If only I could consult with Saruman the Wise..." 

The others waited in uncomfortable silence as Gandalf considered the matter. He seemed to be arriving at no conclusions, and Sam and Frodo exchanged a worried glance. They had brought no provisions, and Sam's Gaffer certainly would miss him if they did not return to the Shire soon. 

Just when they were beginning to give up hope, they heard what sounded like soft voices from deep within the pants, halfway between the pocket shared by Sam, Frodo, and Gandalf, and the one in which Gimli stood grumpily. "Is there anyone out there?" a voice called out, deep and strong despite the muffling of the fabric. 

"Yes! Yes, save us!" Pippin called, before anyone could quiet him. 

"I am afraid we can do no such thing," the muffled voice replied, "unless first we can be freed from within this prison. However, if you can provide an escape for us, we shall surely offer you our help as well!" 

"Speak up!" Merry cried. "We can barely hear you!" 

"Hold - I have an idea," offered Legolas, and he took an arrow from the quiver on his back and tied a long length of elven rope to the end before drawing it back in his bow. It flew upwards, straight and true, and caught in the metal tab of the pants' zipper. Pulling upon the rope, with Merry's help, Legolas managed to lower the pants' fly. 

As the zipper fell away, it revealed a tall, long-legged man with a rough look but a noble bearing, and a gloriously beautiful elfmaiden at his side. "I am Aragorn, son of Arathorn, heir to the throne of Gondor," the man announced. "This woman is my beloved Arwen, whose elven magic will free us all from these dire pants." 

"We thank you," Arwen said graciously in the common tongue, then began a chant in elven. 

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Will Arwen's magic save them all from a lifetime trapped within the pants!? please r/r if u want me to continue ^________^ 


	2. chapter 2

**A/N:** Thnz 4 reviewing! I want 2 make u all so hapee ^______^ so here iz next chapter! 

**LotR People IN MY PANTS**  
Chapter 2

The lovely elfmaiden's voice rang out soft and clear over the sea of denim - but nothing happened! 

"Whatever is the trouble, my love?" noble Aragorn asked, looking deep into her eyes. 

"I cannot be certain," she said, "but I believe that there is a power here greater than that of the elves. I cannot remove us from these pants while it holds." 

"A power greater than that of the elves?" Sam repeated anxiously from his place in the pocket. 

"Now now," Gandalf comforted him kindly, "there are many powers in Middle-Earth which are strange and mysterious - and yes, some that surpass even elven magic, especially within pants such as these." 

"A good power?" Merry called up from the ankle. 

"Or a power that might hurt us?" asked Pippin, from the other ankle. 

Legolas' elvish ears perked up as they heard a sound, still in the distance, somewhere within the pants, but approaching swiftly. "I fear we may find out soon!" he cried, and almost before he had finished speaking, a horrible black shape, mounted on a shadowy beast, stormed over the surface of the pants, making straight for the hobbits and wizard standing in the front pocket. "It is one of the Trouserwraiths of legend! Ai - we are surely doomed!" 

"Into the pants!" Boromir shouted, and with a sounding of his mighty horn, vanished into the cuff of the ankle, pulling Pippin in after him. 

Frodo and Sam were frozen in fear as the creature bore down upon them, but a sharp order from Gandalf spurred them to action. "You heard him, you fools! Into the pants!" They ducked within the pocket hurriedly, so as not to arouse his wrath further. 

After fumbling once again through the deep darkness within the pants, in silence, so as not to bring the Trouserwraith down upon them, Frodo found himself abruptly separated from his companions. "Sam? Gandalf?" he called out quietly, trying not to panic. There was no answer from either of his old friends, but somewhere in the distance, it seemed that he could hear an unfamiliar voice singing a merry but mostly nonsensical tune, and coming nearer. 

_Hey dol! merry dol! Fiddle de diddle!  
Dum te tum, rum de dum, mittly-mittle!_

"Ho there!" the voice called out suddenly, and Frodo froze. "Are you Frodo Baggins?" 

"Why yes, I am," Frodo called back, hesitating only a moment. Such a jolly voice could not belong to an evil creature such as a trouserwraith, and it began singing another tune as he listened. 

_Friends we find, yours and mine, if we do not tarry -  
At the fly be Aragorn, and in the cuffs be Merry!  
Hey dol! merry dol! Terry tum tillo -  
No one knows pants like Old Tom Bombadillo!_

Frodo could now make out a bit of light in the cavernous folds of the pants, coming closer with the stranger's song, and it illuminated a strange little man wearing clothes colored brightly as the twinkles in his eyes, with a long brown beard. 

Following close behind him was a more familiar person, and Frodo let out a glad cry at the sight of his dear friend, hugging him tightly. "My dear Sam! So you escaped the Trouserwraith!," he exclaimed. "But where is Gandalf? And who is this man with you?" 

"Why, as his song says, 'tis none other than Tom Bombadil," said Sam. "I lost sight of Gandalf in the darkness, and Old Tom found me. Told me he'd help me to find the rest of you, and even said we could take a meal with him tonight - for which I was grateful. I daresay even that lint of Gimli's was beginning to look a mite tasty." 

"Whoa, whoa, my little fellows!" Tom exclaimed. "You'll not be eating none of that pocket lint if I have aught to say about it. You'll be coming back to my pocket, where you'll find ale and cheese and crusty bread spread with golden butter waiting for you, along with all your friends - and you'll not find better anywhere else within these pants!" 

"Thank you so much!" Frodo told him as they set out together in another direction, towards the back pocket where the jolly man made his home, and Tom's voice rose in another song, lightening the journey for them. 

_Hey ho! Derry do! Dilly bo bickers!  
Warmth and soft darkness, within these knickers!  
We'll feast and we'll tarry with friends that we keep -  
Fellowship found within pockets so deep!  
Buddle bee, tuddle tee, nuddle nee nillo -  
Safety and shelter with Tom Bombadillo!_

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Thenx 2 all who suggested Tom Bombadil should get in my pants! Who else wants IN MAH PANTS?? loleolololzers ^____^ 


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